You can’t say you haven’t heard of this itch as this is common enough lingo in marriage life. When the excitement of being married wanes and when the trait of your partner became intolerable from being cute, then you sure are experiencing the famous, or should I say, infamous 7 year itch. No, the number seven is not an exact science. As they say, you just don’t wake up the morning in your seventh year anniversary and say “Hey, I need to go…” as with everything in life, the 7 year itch in marriage is a process – the building up of resentments, intolerances and annoyances between two couples blowing out like a big bang. Some experience this as early as 3 years while some build it up years later than 7. But the end result is either divorce or a renewal of vows. One thing is for sure though is that each spouse will have to watch out for this and take a conscious effort on keeping the marriage, that is if you care enough.
What is this itch really?
No, this is not a trend or just a myth being put in your mind so you get depressed with your spouse and start getting a divorce lawyer when you are 7 years into marriage as a part of their marketing strategy. This is real enough although the numbers do vary. It is just called seven years itch as the average of couples experiencing the symptoms of falling out is seven years. Yes, 7 years itch means that you are experiencing a falling out with your partner. When you fall in love, it goes to say that you can fall out of it as well. Many marriages seem to experience this phenomenon in the 7th year of their marriages. This is well noted with Hollywood stars who seemed to be following, or starting, the trend of divorcing their spouses in the 7th year of their marriages.
Why the 7 year itch happen?
Funny, how a person changes over time in every aspect of his or her life. The itch starts when the traits you are so fond of with your partner becomes annoying. And why something you find enchanted once becomes disenchanted? Experts say that this is because people change and the change makes one good trait into a bore. This has a lot to do with need. When you and your spouse got married, this is because of needs where you and your spouse can provide for each other. But as the holes get to be satisfied your need for each other wanes. And when this happens, the itch starts. The smile that used to drive you crazy will turn oppressive and the witty remark you found so amusing will start to be offensive.
So what should you do if you found yourself in this trait?
One thing you need to do to be sure is to discuss it with your spouse. You have to know if he or she feels the same way. If there are traits you find annoying, you have to tell your spouse about it and vice versa. You will need to establish an open conversation and not make it a confrontation. You see, if you have been annoyed with your spouse so many years and just choose to wipe it under the rug so to speak, these have become a minefield that you mastered not to step on as they explode. If this is your situation, then communication might be hard. However, you have no choice but detonate these bombs to start the communication open and start the process of healing. And you must not be the only one sweeping the mines off the rug your spouse must acknowledge it and help you with it one by one. This doesn’t need to be overnight. As long as both of you are actively sweeping these off, you are on a healthy road to easing the itch. Once all is in the open, you have to identify a new need in which you and your spouse can fill to each other. No, the children won’t do. When they grow up, you will only have your spouse with you. You have to search for a need you would want your partner to fill for you and vice versa. Sex is a good start but you will need something more than that too. Companionship, friendship and enjoying each other’s company is the ultimate reason you can achieve to get rid of the 7 year itch altogether.
Yes, the 7 year itch do happen although it doesn’t really mean it only occurs in the 7th year of your marriage. The best way to counter it is to recommit into the marriage. And you need to be sure you are not the only one doing this. Your partner needs to be aware of this too and put in an effort to commit as well. If both parties are into countering the itch of the marriage then you will have a long and fruitful marriage up ahead.