Waving goodbye to your long time marriage is a hard thing to do. It takes more than just courage to turn away and close the door permanently. If you are caught in a marriage where you cannot feel the love anymore, you can do something about it. It’s either you leave or you relive the lost love – if it is still possible.
What else are you doing inside a loveless marriage?
Many women are prone to stay in a loveless marriage. Why? Here are some reasons they got in their baggage:
1. They wanted to avoid the hassle. If you leave the house physically, you have to pack up all of your belongings, retrieve your portion of assets and look for a new home. Divorce is more tiring than this. It is taxing on the money as much as it is about your emotions. You will need to pay for an attorney and not to mention the grueling court hearings about division of properties and children. All of these are energy draining. Staying and doing nothing about it makes everything permanent.
2. They don’t have the courage to face what people might say. This is especially true for those women who were brought up in a conservative family. They would rather suffer alone than share their pains of their marriage with their family and friends.
3. They still hope that everything will be repaired. Most women have a 6th sense. This is the ability of women to detect bad situation. They can also feel a good one is coming. Perhaps, nature equipped wives with this amazing radar because they need to protect their families and themselves from heartaches. They know that their husbands still love them but with a kind of confused love. They believe in the lyrics of the song “Love will lead you back, someday” and stayed on waiting for the prodigal husband.
4. Too much investment causes one to stay. If you have invested so much energy and time in your marriage, it is less likely that you will leave the marriage drained and dead. There are several reasons why you fought so hard. It could be for the money, power, physical attraction or plain and simple love.
5. The Women blame themselves for the failure of marriage. They thought that something is wrong with them. By staying with their unloving husbands, they will have a chance to repair the losses. They want to prove that they can change things back to the way they were before. To keep things intact, they even transform themselves into a surrogate mother to their psychotic husbands, hoping that the husbands will appreciate them.
If you cannot leave your marriage, it is because of your reptilian brain
After summarizing the heartaches you encountered in your marriage, ask yourself, “Why do I keep coming back for more in this loveless union?” Perhaps your answer would be, “I don’t know.” This is when the primitive attitude gets the best part of you.
As a human, you have the basal ganglia which psychologist calls the reptilian brain. You shared this primitive characteristic with other animals such as reptiles, birds and mammals. This controls the decision making of a person. Like the lower forms of animals, it involves rituality, territorial tendencies and rituals. A few psychoanalysts theorize that when you experience joy and pleasure with the person you love, you release dopamine. This is recorded in your memory and you will be hardwired to it all your life. That is the reason why you cannot bring yourself to leave an unloving husband even if he treats you as if you are nothing. The old loving and happy memories cannot let you go. Reptilian brain does not know days, years or months. All it knows is that something happy happened and it will eternally be in the memory box. It connects the old experience to the present ones. That is why similar experience in the past did not feel old when you encountered it again in the present. According to scientific study, there is a 90/10 principle in marriage. The 90 % portion is related to the past events of happiness and courtship. The 10% spec is the portion that is dominated by present events. This is the reason why, there are people who stick in a bad marriage.
Reptilian brain dominates the subconscious mind. If your husband is good looking, you tend to be very possessive of him. This is the worship and submission form of manifestation of how the reptilian brain works. This contributes so much on why women- even men, stay in a bad marriage.
Staying in a bad marriage is your choice. You can do away with it or carry on. You just learn when is too much. If you have been mistreated and hurt physically, then you know it is way pass the boundary – you have to go away. But if it is all annoyance, resentment and disappointments, then perhaps it is time to evaluate things between you and aim to make the marriage work.